he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
barbara walters just said penis...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
