My first STD was from a foam party
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
