im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
