I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
