she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
