I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
