She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
