Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Did I show you my penis last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
