i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
