Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
