Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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