Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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