i think i have two assholes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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