Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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