Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
