my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
