I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
