So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
