i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
