i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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