Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
