Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
