It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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