i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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