Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
