i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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