You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
