Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
