Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
