So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
