Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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