My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
