let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When are your genitals available?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
