I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The air taste purple.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
