im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
