I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
