i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
