i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
