dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
