Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
