Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
