I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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