I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
