what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
