I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
