Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
