why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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