Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
