hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
