Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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